If memory serves me correctly, today would be 21 years since I quit smoking cigarettes.
I had smoked on and off since my early teens. I was nearly 30 years old and I smoked on average a box of 20 a day. If I went out, I smoke a box a night.
I enjoyed smoking. I remember watching Schindlers List and in the beginning of the move, the main character is sitting on his own in a restaurant and seemed dead comfortable, while he puffed away on his cigarette. I had always been pretty restless on my own in social environments, so this appealed to me. So it became my thing.
I knew smoking was bad for me, but I didn’t drink much, I had mostly given up partying, so a cigarette felt pretty harmless. Given I had always taken pretty good care of myself physically, I’m surprised today I didn’t realise how much harm I was doing to myself.
I spent a lot of time working odd hours in my room working on the computer. Drinking large amounts of tea and coffee while puffing away. But going outside was becoming challenging.
When I was younger, you could smoke anywhere, and non one complained. You just lit your cigarette, anywhere. I don’t recall anyone ever telling me not to smoke. You could cigarettes anywhere and there were Peter Stuyvesant adverts that made smoking seem like the path to dream jet set life.
But times were changing, first you couldn’t smoke in the stores in the mall, then they banned smoking at the mall and people were puffing away outside before they entered. There were restaurants with dedicated smoking rooms that were glassed off. But what really annoyed me was when friends would tell you to smoke outside.
This new way of smoking made you feel like an outcast. Like smoking no longer was acceptable. Truth is it wasn’t. Your non-smoking friends were all of a sudden, cool. Where once they were considered nerds for not partaking.
There were gum and patches to stop smoking and I tried from time to time, but it never stuck because I kind of liked it. Then came Zyban. An antidepressant that magically made you stop smoking. I decided to give it a try. You could take a tablet a day and keep smoking with no real side effects.
I smoked like normal, but I was wired. I felt very awake. So I just kept smoking and working on the computer. Nothing really changed. I had no idea when the medication would work, but I just went with it.
On day 10, I woke up and I could not stand the smell of my bedroom I tried to light a cigarette, and I felt sick. I never smoked again. I’ve been tempted, I’ve even tried, but to this day, I cannot even take a puff of a cigarette without feeling sick. That was 21 years ago today.
